60 Ideas for Having an Affair–with Your Spouse / Committed Partner!

by Dawn J. Lipthrott, LCSW

1. Call your partner unexpectedly just to say you love him/her and were thinking of him/her.

2. Call your spouse/partner just to tell them one thing you appreciate about them.

3. Send your spouse/partner flowers (home, office, hotel room) “just because”, or ‘thank you for. . .”, or ‘because I love you’, etc..

4. Send a fax to work or hotel (or an e-mail) saying that you love your partner and can’t wait to be with him/her again.

5. Pick up flowers or dinner on the way home and surprise your partner. (If dinner, you might want to call and feel things out first!)

6. When you come home, find your partner and just hold him/her close for a moment (prolonged hug)–no words necessary.

7. Call your partner at 10:00am and tell them you are going to take them out to lunch.

8. Call your partner, tell them you’ll meet them for lunch, pick up cheese, crackers, and then find a place to make love!

9. When you walk by your partner at home, touch him/her, or give a hug, or caress.

10. Wake up to the day as if it was ‘the first time’ you were alone with your spouse. Greet him/her enthusiastically. Sit and just look lovingly at him/her for a few moments. Ask about them and their day and just listen and try to let them know you understand (even if you disagree)–no problem solving unless asked for!

11. Write a note and put it where your partner will find it during the day. Tell the person loving things.

12. Make a list of 10 things you love about your partner and leave it where they will find it (or mail it).

13. Try a new way to make your love-making more sensual and prolonged. (Can use candles, incense, longer foreplay, times of just kissing and holding, caressing, exploring each other’s bodies by touch, etc.)

14. When you go to bed, sleep naked together without sex. Just hold your partner or snuggle next to him/her so your bodies touch.

15. Just hold your partner in bed (can be dressed) without sex until one of you falls asleep.

16. Bring home balloons (or hide them and put them out at night after your partner goes to bed) with a note or sign with something like “I celebrate YOU!” “You are wonderful!” or something similar.

17. Pamper your partner one evening. (Examples: If watching TV, ask partner if would like anything–offer to put stool under feet or take off shoes and massage feet. If cooking dinner, volunteer to clean up, do dishes while partner just relaxes. Give back rub. Put on soothing music. Etc…)

18. Next time you kiss, pause, look into your partner’s eyes remembering what it was like when you first met. Touch his/her face. Trace his/her lips with your finger. Slowly bring your lips to theirs–first gently kissing his/her upper lip, then lower lip. Embrace your partner and gently kiss them fully, letting your lips part, and enjoy every second of it. After the kissing is finished, just hold each other a few moments longer.

19. Plan a ‘date’–arrange for baby-sitters, clear calendar, etc. (Good to do this one once a week or at least every two weeks!)

20. ‘Surprise’ your partner by taking them someplace they have said they wanted to go–a sporting event, a concert, a restaurant, a computer show, the mall, etc. Do it even if it isn’t something you like. Enjoy your partner enjoying it and do it simply for love.

21. Make a list of 10 romantic things to say to your partner and say them from time to time throughout the week.

22. Create a romantic dinner either out or in.

23. Take a bath together with bath oils, or bubbles, and candles.

24. Do what you would do for an anniversary on a regular day–just because.

25. Buy a gift for your partner–it can be a blouse or shirt s/he wanted–or something simple and inexpensive.

26. Plan a picnic in the park (or your own yard, or living room).

27. Even when you still have chores to do, take the day off, go to a movie or do something else fun.

28. Call your partner unexpectedly during the day (or at night if they are out of town) and talk sexy to him/her, telling them how much you long to feel him/her, etc.

29. Plan a surprise getaway weekend for just the two of you–arranging for baby-sitters, dogsitters, etc. Take your partner someplace you think he or she will love. You can go to a nice hotel in your own city!

30. Greet your partner at the airport with a balloon or flower and enthusiastic ‘welcome home’.

31. Take out an ad in the Lost and Found with something like “I’ve found love with you.” or something similar. Have a florist deliver a rose, the newspaper and a note telling him/her which page to turn to and where the ad is.

32. Make sure your partner can sleep in one weekend morning. Take care of telephone, kids, dogs, etc.

33. Leave your favorite romantic song (even if from when you first dated) on your partner’s voice mail or answering machine.

34. Give your partner a massage on any part or all of his/her body (if full body, create climate with candles, etc.)

35. Sit and talk about fun and romantic times in your relationship–when you were dating, first married, etc. Enjoy the memories and think about how to bring some of that into the present.

36. Write a short poem (even if it doesn’t rhyme and even if you think you could never write poetry) telling of your love. You can start with lines like, “Like the light of a harvest moon. . .” “Heart to heart. . .” “Like the water caresses the sand. . .” etc.

37. Lip sync a romantic song for your partner after dinner one night.

38. Bring home or to the office your partner’s favorite sweet thing.

39. Leave a flower on the pillow before your partner goes to bed–even if it is one you pick from your own yard.

40. Take the afternoon off and just go someplace with your partner.

41. Plan a ‘secret rendezvous’ in your own town, in the city where your partner is on business, etc.

42. Send your partner a postcard when you are out of town saying you were thinking of him/her and love him/her. It doesn’t matter if you get home before the postcard does!

43. Write a love letter as if you were just falling in love with the person.

44. Tell your partner you that instead of watching TV tonight (or doing work, or fussing with the kids, etc.), you simply want to be with them.

45. Go for a walk together after dinner, holding hands and remembering good times you’ve had.

46. Write “I love You!” on the bathroom mirror with lipstick or shaving cream.

47. Shower together.

48. Paint a heart or something else on your partner’s body or body part with whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and lick it off slowly, and saying “MMMMMMMmmmmmmm”.

49. Tell your partner before you go to bed, or before you leave in the morning, one of the things you love most about him/her (quality, physical characteristic, behavior).

50. Agree to meet at a social event or public place and act as if you are meeting each other for the first time—flirt, make ‘eyes’ at each other or other gestures from across the room, rub against each other when walking by, etc.

51. Go skinny dipping in pool or hot tub or at the beach.

52. Test drive a Porsche or a convertible with the top down and pretend you are seeing each other although it has been ‘forbidden’ by your parents.

53. When your partner is coming home late in the evening (after meeting, etc.), have bed turned down, hot bath ready with flower petals floating in it and candles.

54. Rent a video you know your spouse would like or liked in the past, make popcorn and have an evening together like teenagers.

55. Create your own ‘slumber party’ for just the two of you.

56. Drive to the beach (or spend the night) and go for walks on the beach holding hands.

57. When you have to go out of town on business, add an extra day and invite your spouse to join you for all or part of your trip.

58. Undress your partner as if it were the first time–slowly, touching their body as you go.

59. Make sexy comments to your partner throughout the evening.

60. Use your imagination—this is a person you are just falling in love with–be creative in ways to express that, be together, etc.